Non-Essential Employee: 2013-10-20

Did you get your Obamacare Microchip yet? I did! One for each member of my family!

Microchips! (code name 666)

Except for Gramps, cause he's on a death panel.

Because old people never vote, so who cares...

Actual Photo of Real Death Panel Hearing

My neighbors got theirs too, but since they're undocumented workers from Mexico they also got a free check from the government. I'm supposed to receive one also, but it's coming at the end of the month with my Welfare check. Now I'll have even more money to go buy my drugs with. - It's what us welfare recipients do with the money. You see, it's all a big scam that we decided to do together. Here's how it works:

My Big Government Check! (Yay!)

First, you make sure that you NEVER work. Second, you have as many babies as possible. Bonus points if they all come from different Daddies. Then you go to your local welfare office and tell them that you're trying real hard, but you just can't get a job because the "Mexican's" took them all.

Point towards my neighbor's house for added effect.

Good Example of crying baby!

See? They took my job!

My Tree Hugging, Bleeding Heart Social Worker

Now this is important:

It's all in the details... Make sure that you do not clean your children's faces for two or three days. Also be sure to not feed them for about 12 hours because they will get that loud "hungry" cry. Trust me, these Social Services people will totally feel sorry for you. But just to seal the deal, it helps if look as dejected as possible. If you play your cards just right, you'll leave with money in your pocket. Then,voila! You can be on your way to buying new kicks and a quarter baggie of the funky stuff! It's amazing how The Tea Party and certain Republicans have gotten me all figured out. Downright uncanny!

Hey, I wanted that job!

No, really, I was going to work there!

They took Marge's life long dream of picking tomatoes!!!

And this is why I like Obamacare sooooo much! I get more free stuff! I learned about it when I called the ACA hotline. My information packet even came with a tax-payer-paid free cellphone! (Woo-hoo!) It was all in Spanish, but my neighbors helped me. Which was very nice of them, since they're so busy doing all of the work that they stole from white people. It turns out my Insurance is totally free too! Totally paid for, by those who didn't want the Affordable Health Care Act to pass in the first place. They are the only one's who have to pay more money for insurance. Is that a weird coincidence or what?

My Free Government phone offer!

Aren't they frightening?

There's this family who live in my apartment complex: They look like terrorists, and that kind of scares me. Well anyway, because they're Muslims, they don't have to get Obamacare if they don't want to.

I've heard that Obama himself is a Muslim. (Everybody born in Kenya is.) He doesn't really look like a terrorist though. I mean, he can't be all that bad. After all, he personally made sure that I got my food stamps. He's trying to get as many people on Food Stamps as possible. I thinks that's totally cool of him.

My $1.00 Food Stamp. No, it Really does look like this!

Obama's Kenyan/Muslim ID driver's license photo

When I'm at the grocery store, everyone in the check out line gets very angry when I take out my EBS card. Normally nobody pays attention to what kind of card people pay with, but I'm always careful make sure that everybody sees it. That way everybody there can tell their Facebook friends that they saw me buy my beer and cigarettes with it. Next time, I'll be sure to be on my free government cell phone at the same time.

You don't have to be jealous and hating on me. Anybody can do it. Obama wants us too. I read that on the Heritage Foundation's website. The government wants to take care of everybody. It's super easy and if you decide to do it, you can wear expensive clothes and get stoned all the time too!

All the Kicks I've bought while kickin' it on welfare. Yessssss!!!

People say, "But what about self-respect?" Most people I know complain about their jobs; how it doesn't pay enough or that the Boss doesn't give a crap. That's not self-respect.... Self-respecting people don't do things like work for some employer and barely earn enough money to live on. Self-respecting people would at least demand a good wage, or help with their family's healthcare. And I suppose that if a person had no other choice but to work for a place like that, they wouldn't be opposed to affordable health insurance. Otherwise, that would be lunacy.

Another scary End-of-times Obamacare Mark of the Beast healthcare chip!!!

But now we can all get FREE healthcare. All of us non-Muslim, non-Presidential, non-congressional, illegal immigrant, welfare queens and middle class Americans get it for FREE!!! It's okay.... Just insert the Microchip... If you're afraid of needles, the brochure says that you can also use insert it as a suppository.